when i blog, i have always tried not to start with today i…..i find it so lame n cliche~~
but at this very second, i could not think of any other words that can replace that common phrase…
today, i was so fucked up. so messed up…
i believe, everyone has the best moment of their life. the one that they will never trade for anything else in the world to have it to be put at the back of their mind.
i had one too, just recently. but i could not really have it. . this moment of mine was spectacularly beautiful but a disastrous one as well.
it was amazingly phenomenal, that it psyches every single nerve of my body,just thinking about it. i could stay sober doing nothing the whole day smiling happily just to have it crossing my mind.it just so wonderful that i wish the time would stop ticking for me.
but for every beautiful moment, it does not always come with cinderella ending. and mine was the ugly one. it destroys everything that i have built for years. the faith, the integrity, the attitude, the confidence,the pride…and most importantly it destroys me myself,inside out.i got so messed up that i was confused of who i am.it just doesnt feel me and i despise it.i was just so lost.
half of me was mourning for whatever has happened, yet half of me was glad that i have done it. this was the moment that i would be dying to have it to happen again but somehow i dont want it to happen in any possible way it could be happening.
i pity myself for my own stupidity and my lack of emotion control. and i pity that someone that it happened and i am deeply sorry….
p/s this entry is purposely posted with the intention that, it will be the prove that it happened and when i read it in the future, it will be my personal reminder of whatever has happening to me at this very particular minute.
